The Tenth Time

Cost Plus World Market is one of those nautical-themed stores where the inventory is wine, fishnet, and insubstantial furniture – tables made from sugar cane that you can lift with a thumb and index finger; patio chairs that end up in the neighbor’s yard if more than one guest exhales at the same time.

But they do have a four dollar Chard that is so much better than the two buck Chuck, the difference is exponential.

At point of sale, you and the bouncy-bouncy checker must endure each other, but, as with everything else in the market of the world, that’s usually a small price to pay. They try to get you to disclose some personal information in exchange for THE CARD, and I’ve passed on that. Until today, when I was told my two bottles of wine would cadge a discount.

So I gave the phone number and email address and in return I – paid full price. What ho? I asked, did you not promise a savings? Why yes, said First Mate Dave, look at your receipt – it says D for discount. Shiver me timbers, Davey, but I always pay this price; maybe you made a mistake? Oh no, said Dave, I charged you the price on the receipt. Avast Dave me hardy, I always pay eight dollars. Well, said Dave, I guess that means you always get a discount. Listen Swabbie, why did you make me sign up for a card? So that you, Dave said patiently, could get the discount.

I didn’t want to be the tiresome person holding up the line. I’m never that person -- I’m the person waiting behind the tiresome person.

So I stomped out to my car, realizing all they got from me was a fake phone number and email address anyway.

Choose your battles. And don’t choose them in a discount store. And don't choose them in a discount store when there's a line. Because, generally speaking, that woman behind you, the one balancing the sofa and loveseat combo in her left hand and the bottle of wine in her right? Nine times out of ten, that’s me.