Mr. Tomato Head

Certain things continue to elude me – good hair, sound investments, the pecan roll at Stucky’s. Up until this year, a bountiful tomato harvest was on that list. So wouldn’t you know, now with a hundred ripe red heirloom tomatoes and dozens of green ones waiting in the wings, I’m part of the Altadena fruit and vegetable quarantine.

Due to an oriental fruit fly or some such thing, the letter of this law says we can’t even take so much as a tomato sandwich outside our individual property lines. Some people are selling dime bags of the cherries on the down low, but I really don’t want to get involved in the vegetable underworld; I know I'd get caught.

Instead, I’ve peeled ‘em, cored, seeded, fried, roasted, baked, pureed, fricasseed, and spatchcocked ‘em. Now, what to do with the rest?

For your consideration:


-----------------------------------------Doorstop


-----------------------------------------Paperweight


-----------------------------------------Statuary


--------------------------Historical re-enactments (Anne Boleyn)


-----Costume dramas (A Man for All Seasons, daughter and father)


-------------------------------------Slasher videos


-------------------------------------Comfort food.