Signs

Astronomer Parke Kunkle says that due to changes in the Earth's alignment the dates of many zodiac signs have changed ... In addition, there may be a 13th Zodiac sign: Ophiuchus. -- Huffington Post

It’s a bitter pill to swallow. All my life I’ve considered myself:

Determined and forceful
Emotional and intuitive
Powerful and passionate
Exciting and magnetic

And now I know I’m nothing but:

Diplomaitic and urbane
Romantic and charming
Easygoing and sociable
Idealistic and peaceable

To say nothing of

Indecisive and changeable
Gullible and easily infuenced
Flirtatious and self-indulgent

Sure, if you escaped Cancer to land in Leo, Mazal tov. But what about those who face the walk of shame from Scorpio to Libra ... to take a most personal example.

Imagine what it means to find your affairs weren’t passionate, just sociable. And that you weren't powerful and emotional, just gullible and easily influenced.

Intuitive? No, changeable.

And all the sex appeal and magnetism – gone, gone, gone.

Which explains so many things.

Including all those indecisions. Cobb Salad, Caesar Salad; Cobb, Caesar, Cobb, Caesar...

And then, in 1999, when my LA Times horoscope said “This is your day,” and I bought Enron -- well, someone or something must be liable.

And now that I want to hurl invectives, even lawsuits, at a higher authority, I can’t. Because I’m a fucking diplomatic.