R-E-S-P-E-C-T, that is what you mean to me, Harper Lee

"Author Harper Lee ... seeks to protect the 87-year-old's best-known intellectual property, "To Kill a Mockingbird."
The Alabama writer has sued her hometown Monroe County Heritage Museum for trademark infringement, saying it is illegally using her fame for its own gain... It is a substantial business that generated over $500,000 in revenue for 2011, the last year for which figures are available," said the lawsuit filed last week. " -- CNN


So Harper Lee is suing over the use of the To Kill A Mockingbird trademark and logo. Well, who the hell does she think she is?

I can't imagine anyone so mean spirited. She's rich; why strike out at us, just because we clean up on our "Scout and Jem" fanny packs and "I Heart Atticus" baseball caps and coffee mugs? Jealousy, perhaps, that we came up with the idea first?

We only want to promote the heritage of this town, after all. I haven't actually read the whole book. But I have read the important parts, because every time I take something from the stove while wearing my Miss Maudie Mitts, I see a new and wondrous quote. Plus, every time we stuff a chicken in the "Hey, It's Not a Mockingbird" roasting pan, we remember, right? -- the story or whatever. Same goes for the "You're Toast, Bob Ewell" mini-oven.

I suppose next thing we know, she'll be suing over our Boo Radley Rat Traps. These traps not only work, by the way, but have a different TKAM quotes on every slab, making them both fun and educational for the entire family. My son and daughter literally fight over who gets to empty them each morning.

Artists. Don't get me started. This whole thing has me so upset -- the greed of this woman, the selfishness. Something my family doesn't indulge in; in fact, you're all invited over to share our jar of "Folks Call Me Dill" pickles. Depending on which way the wind blows, these may or may not be available early next year.