Public speaking, nocturnally

I had to lecture to a packed house. Oddly, given the size of the group, I wasn't nervous at all. The only problem was, I had no topic, which meant I'd have to wing it. The audience had been waiting a long time.



"I'm sorry to disappoint you," I said. "But I'm ready to speak."



They laughed. Oh good, I thought, they like me.



"Today we'll discuss German Expressionism."



Now, this was a real problem, because I didn't know anything about German Expressionism; I didn't even know if there was such a thing as German Expressionism. Fortunately, the audience didn't know either.



So mainly my lecture consisted of saying GERMAN EXPRESSIONISM frequently and loudly.



"Interestingly enough..." I said, and stopped to think that whatever follows interestingly enough is never interesting at all.



"Interestingly enough," I continued, "in GERMAN EXPRESSIONISM characters are lit from within but also defined from without through the use of negative space. Now let me explain negative space."



Chairs squeaked, people started talking, getting up and leaving in droves. I knew I needed to do something, fast.



"That's all," I said. "Thank you for coming."



There was applause from the few who remained.